Friday, October 15, 2010
Phillips story
Phillip was very mad, he said it`s his moms fault.It was his moms fault because it was her idea of going on a ship.Phillip wishes if he stayed with his dad, because he never wanted to leave curacao.He had many friends in curacao. The first day Phillip wanted to stay on the raft, but Timothy controlled him to get off the raft.The second day he was relaxing from his voyage.I think that Phlillip misses his mommy and regret staying with Timothy.Phillip was justing waiting for his dad to send planes.Timothy wants Phillip to start listening to timothy and wants him to get controled him.
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This would sound much better in 1st person! Be sure to read the directions carefully. Watch your capital letters - proper nouns need to be capitalized!
ReplyDeleteCon: 8/10 Strat: 8/10